Memoirs of a forgotten hero

There was plenty of football, music, laughter and fun
all I have now is memory and that causes pain
I get lost in my mind and that drives me insane
my play's about to end it's illustrious run

my thoughts bob around like a wave on the tide
people don't come to see me now very much
my so called best friends have never kept in touch
they said I couldn't manage I know they lied

but who would want to come and see me now-
beneath the bottom of the fathomless sea
you might find a tiny little piece of 'me'
that bright light in my head confuses me somehow

since the day I was born I've had to fight
dropped out of college didn't want to learn accounts
I'm a self made man, to that it amount's
but my thoughts dissolve in that wretched light

when we went up I scored the winning goal
but everybody has forgotten me now
who will be there when I take my final bow
no longer sat staring out this goldfish bowl

sat here listening to the music of my Mother
sometimes I'm not sure if I'm here at all
strangers keep coming, I dont answer their call
one even tried to tell me He was my Brother!

oddly when they leave some of them start crying
that same old woman insists that she wants to stay
I tell her to go! " I'll see you another day"
leave me in peace, with all these old people dying

so I moved up the ranks to a much bigger club
in the hope of fulfilling my childhood dream
but we didn't get on, I never made the first team
in fact I never even made it as a sub

sat here just waiting for my boat to come in
my mind floats around like an untethered balloon
I've got to be out of this place and back home soon
my Tulips won first prize I say with a grin

each minute drags on it seems to last for an age
let's chat with others in their goldfish bowls today
get the same conversations with nothing to say
no wonder I have mood swings and get filled with rage

but what do these relics sat around me care
then that nagging old woman keeps coming back
these days I'm struggling to keep my mind on track
but she reminds me of a 'blond girl' standing there

this morning I heard the first Cuckoo of spring
my Tulips are looking wonderful this year
a sign I believe that the summer is near
I talk to the birds in the morning when they sing

there was once an accident, it wasn't my fault
thanks to the bright light in my head, I can't recall
my Brother apparently died from the fall
my mountaineering abruptly came to a halt

after that I never seemed to hold down a job
my life bobbed around like a wave on the tide
as they leave upset it should have been me that cried
but I am a hard man and I will never sob

I recall so well my Mother scrubbing the steps
...behold 'the Rentman, he was so impressed
a snazzy young gentleman impeccably dressed
tea in a china cup he gratefully accepts

but who was that blond girl who was standing there
our waltzes took us gliding over the floor
and our foxtrots made the audiences spirit soar
we won competitions galore, dancing on air

so was she also the silver throated singer
did love ever grow? It's impossible to tell
I can no longer draw the water from the well
does she ever wonder if she got her Winger

but that nagging old woman keeps on returning
I refuse to answer her questions anymore
I'll stare at the telly I'll stare at the floor
yet something inside my tattered heart is yearning

I adored the design of my old school tie
I's as smart the Rent man in my younger days
all cast adrift now though in time's mental haze
sat around waiting till it's my turn to die

each day is like the step of a different dance
trying to reconfigure where I belong
but no-one wants to know the words of my song
getting out of this place is my only chance

shut up in here like I've committed some crime
I've got no time for them now, I hate them all
I didn't kill my Brother, I didn't cause the fall
please just let me go to sleep this one last time.

A Teddy Bear's lament

a sweet little teddy bear loyal to the core
when a kind little girl picked me up from the store
I was made out of things like stuffing and cotton
my nose was as black as a shiny new button
over the years I became worn and tattered
but always there for a hug when it really mattered
You would throw me about and I became undone
but I didn't mind because we had so much fun
those cosy stories and hot milk before bedtime
I was there for you when your words refused to rhyme
so then you had a slice of the 'grown up' cake
hence I no longer got a cuddle and a shake
the world in it's own way will still spin round and round
I was left behind in the woods and never found
I wasn't in the attic with all the other toys
to recount their tears and share in their joys
I waited alone in the woods for weeks and weeks
many tears copiously rolled down my cheeks
I felt a little sad, I felt a little sore
after  You grew big and didn't need me anymore
I endured my forced freedom right down to the end
but dearly wished that I could of had a friend
with the blessing of a tractor and touch of a spade
I was released from the blanket the soil had made
we are like Teddy Bears in life's uncertain blend
we all need to be wanted we all need a friend
Teddy Bears need hugs to help them to thrive
we too need hugs to help to keep us alive.

Dead Man's Tweed

the circle still expands ...but the fish has gone

people come people go
there it hung in a fusty Charity shop
above a row of battered LP's.
It was just a normal Saturday afternoon
people come people go
a young man tries on a tweed jacket
smiles as he looks in the mirror
gets the nod of approval from his wife
people come people go
his shirt is tucked in and so too his collar
his breath doesn't have the scent of whiskey and tobacco
yet he has the charisma of an Easter island statue
compared to the man who wore it before

but he's gone now...like the fish.

Nature's coming home

the scent of Elderflower is in the air
days are getting longer, Bluebells fading fast
please come home let us give it one more try
we need to look to the future not the past

see the Redwings come home to warmer climes
flocks of Swallows are lined up on their wires
it's been a lonely time without you here
languishing in the glow of winter fires

Dunnocks and Blackbirds feed on seeds and berries
Hedgehogs under tartan leaves having a snooze
I miss you so much, I'm sure you miss me too
can't we bring an end to those winter blues

when you hear the buzzing of Bumble Bees
when Sycamore seeds twizzle in the gloam
happy days will be here to stay this time
open your arms wide... nature's coming home.

Softly, softly

reflecting on the night before
through the coffee of the morning..

a kiss of madness
aggressive snarling indignity
you're spirit is temporarily agitated
but as you hold back your punches...
the grass you walk upon seems to soften

..and soften

you feel like a Camel treading a sand dune
throughout the morning
the empty spaces
are replaced with silk cushions.
Whilst you bask in the glorious sunset
the pieces of the mosaic
are threaded back together...

stronger than before.

Missing  presumed dead ( The Ferryman part 2)

Apparently Alec was missing presumed dead
at least that's what the obituary said
how then he got married is still a mystery
life after a dark period of history

                 Jane plodded head down through another long day
                  solitude complete in a strange kind of way
                  while Kestrels are tacked to an untamed sky
                  she screams " Dear Lord wont you please tell me why"

young Alec stood well over six foot tall
legs full of shrapnel disfigured and all
willing to give all for a meagre days pay
a young man with half of his face blown away

                      Shepherdess Jane sat under sad twinkling stars
                      it was plain to see she had her own mental scars
                       the Ferrymans Daughter she was so kind
                       different from the others... Jane was blind

when the bells of victory began to ring forth
it was too much for Alec, he headed up North
up to the North where the bronze fields shone
but Alec's old personality had gone

                         there in the North a young Shepherdess called Jane
                          did dry Alec's tears and soothed his deep pain
                         Her voice rolled over hills in a plaintive wave
                          while they thought Alec was in an unmarked grave

In time they married, Jane bore Alec a Son
but talk about the war, Alec would have none
all that he said was "between you and me...
I've seen things that no man should ever see! "

                          flashbacks in his mind of the slain still ringing
                          offset by his Wife's beautiful singing
                          somewhere around the Somme Alec lay dead
                          at least that was what the obituary said.

The Ferryman (part one)

The Ferrryman vowed he would find his girl
he picked some roses to place in the top room
searched high and low to find his precious lost pearl
vowed he'd have her back before the flowers bloom

treated like a slave, a young girl in her prime
the Brothers got away Jane was left behind
her body it did whither through the passing of time
She was different from the others, Jane was blind

worked as a Milkmaid her hands would get so sore
under constant threats she still searched for the spark
work never done, a family waits on the shore
although Jane was blind she could see in the dark

the moon shone bright on the path to the ferry house
the gusts picked up on the night that Jane ran away
salty wind and sea shanty's awakened the grouse
as Jane finally gets her break from the play

He scoured every square inch of the land
yet couldn't ask, why? Or search into his past
at the Wayfarers Inn, they'd got it all planned
released from a cruelty that could no longer last

the night the Father died Gaelic psalms they sang
a lonely house still stands, like a watch to natures will
when they buried the Ferryman the church bells rang
the flowers in the attic, they stand there still

Mephibosheth

When the curtain rose to show you the world
you were a lonely light on an empty stage
there were no other children who were your age
                                      were you all on your own...
                                                          Mephibosheth?

All of my family were killed in one night
we fled from the palace in fear and fright
poor Nanny dropped me on the marble stairs
I've twisted feet and no childhood cares

You chose to live in a desolate place
You could have tasted every luxuriant thing
but lived in Lodebar where poverty ruled as King
                                             who would fight for you...
                                                                     Mephibosheth

many people are dropped and totally written off
wise men may sneer and the well learned scoff
in the 'last day' I'll be picked up and restored
to serve the Greater David the King, my Lord

your name implies that you were 'breathing shame'
yet you were the picture of humility
limping your way through a life of obscurity
                                                  why didn't you defend your name..
                                                                         Mephibosheth?

the happiest one is the one that's carefree
being put on a pedestal was just not for me
I mix with the lowly and serve the one above
because I know that God is the only way to love

Ziba usurped you when You were next in line
you could have had at least half of everything
have your twisted feet under the table of the King
                                                     so why did you turn back..
                                                                     Mephibosheth?

I was only concerned about my Lord the King
so long as He's well that means everything
I know I was slandered I know Ziba lied
it didn't bother me I dont have any pride

King David will surely embrace you with tears
In the 'last day' you'll leave the past behind
you'll have your feet restored and run with the Hind
                                                   you will land on your feet...
                                                                 Mephibosheth.

Avignon

back to the days of Avignon
when History ruled as King
"the splendour falls on castle walls"
as the Mistral wind sings

the orchid that you gave to me
what happiness it brings
the moon shines down on the River Rhone
as the wandering Bard sings

ca te changera les idees
something to take your mind off things
in the leafy squares of Avignon
as the Nightingale sings

drink your wine, hold back the night
an angel of true pitie
wrapped in gold with a silver thread
as the Swan's last song slips away.

Gone Fishing (Kev)

flashbacks to the orphanage were getting bad
Kev's parents died when he was just a young lad
staying at his Aunty's just didn't work out
it was hooks, bait and floats that made Kev's heart glad
Kev's gone fishing but he doesn't even like Trout

drug related incidents kept Kev's life walled in
condemned to a life of original sin
but Kev could see through it, he knew it wouldn't last
the sunlight bounced off the shore of kith and kin
Kev's gone fishing to eradicate the past

marooned on the unreachable land of his mind
'the one that got away' was by no means kind
the solace was short but it helped numb the pain
intangible tomorrows are all silver lined
Kev's gone fishing his tears wont leave a stain

from a mental prison Kev strived to break free
Kev was half on the shore and half on the sea
thirst for love and the sound of distant laughter
in time's weightlessness still bring him sanity
Kev's gone fishing but it's not the fish he's after.

Loch Crioushie, June 30th 10pm

anything is possible in June
I was on my own in the wilds of Glen Carron
pummeled to the point of exhaustion
I sit down in quiet torpor besides Loch Chruoshie
an area rich in serendipity
I'd gone miles off track but was now back on course.

I smile to myself
could sweet solitude like this really exist on this planet?
Pink Rock Orchids sway in the friendly grass
a warm breeze ruffles the scented air
sat staring into the stained glass window sunset,
the loch is like a banished sea with the moon refusing to stir it.

I take a short stravaig up Ben Dronaig
the glen lies spread out like a tablecloth
it is as green as the meadow of Oberon
a grand spot for lonely exultations

As the paintbox colours gradually fade,
unsung mountains take on an indigo appearance
A bundle of rectilinear shapes emerge,
like the sugar paper friezes children used to make at school

in the distance lies Maol Bhuide bothy
like a white shoebox in the tweed of the hills
wisps of smoke rise and bend like an archers bow
my bothy is still a couple of hours away
I stretch my stiffened senses
that's enough now, let it pass into memory

ironically it was just happenstance that I came to be there
sometimes it's good to take chances
children often take chances
we're all children at heart
if a kid falls out a tree and breaks his arm
He'll just have a week off school
it's a pity kids dont climb trees anymore.

One

two people ...
                            in  one house
two people...
                             in one room
two people...
                             in one bed
two people...
                             round one table
two people...
                            in one car
two people...
                            on one journey.

Autumn Sun

when leaves are still frozen from the night before
when you start making fires and closing the door
when a freshness hangs in the morning air
when leaves fall from trees without a care
when farmers have bundled their happy sheaves
when you walk through piles of windblown leaves
when builders radios belt out tunes from the past
when you realise gilded youth doesn't last
when cats doze in triangles of afternoon sun
when you still hear kids in the street having fun
then gone is another fine Autumn day
behold the cold Winter will soon hold sway.

Weeping Willow

I'll be your shelter from the fury of the storm
I'm the only tree that has a human touch
when animalistic people around you swarm
I'll gently sway for you but not too much
branches can go in different directions
but let your roots remain solid in the ground
sit here a while in melancholic reflection
while the world is full of weeping all around
unload please your fears, unload your strain
I'll sooth and protect you with my long green hair
pour out your anxiety, pour out your pain
round my trunk you'll find a seat is always there.

Islands

moments of happiness often lingered
like constantly falling rose petals.
We are tidal islands but our shores are connected.
The tide can sometimes be ferocious
tearing away at our heart's fabric.
At times we were disconnected
as we had different coping strategies
yet underneath the receding tide we were joined together.

When the tide goes out..
you can see the rocks below the waterline.
Tastefully arranged arrays of seaweed placate the jagged coastline.
Cosy lights twinkle on the cottage speckled peninsular
there is the occasional dark window
but we dont look through there...
petal on petal.

Refinement

circumnavigating deceptive bends
leading to a gilded cage proximity
looking over my shoulder
did I venture too far?
Dangling enticements moved on to the next level
before experience wove it's crafty frame around the grit of truth
myths dont become realities
the steep gradient separated our paths
stand alone characters from a much larger play
the burden of the past ceases to be the vexation of the future
then the pearl was hurled into the mighty jaws of the waves of  the Atlantic!

The Grey Man (Brocken Spectre)

I was being stalked by something large and threatening
foot falls behind me but there was no-one there
an uninvited guest to me he is beckoning
shimmering rings rainbow his head in the air
I know Bigfoot looms large, in swathes of shifting grey
I'm above the clouds, stood with my back to the sun
the dark figure motions to his trembling prey
" oh circular glory... to you I'm outrun
sat cowering beneath the Brocken Spectre
the circle was broken and the Grey Man walked free
was he a Troll or some Mountain Protector?
Oh! Hideous encounter, the Grey Man was me!

When you are stood with your back to the sun, your own shadow is cast into the mist. The halo is caused by an optical illusion called a 'glory' where diffracted light is reflected back at you. It has a greater effect when you are above the clouds. 'Brocken' is named after a mountain in Germany that is renowned for this phenomena.

Above the Isle of Coll

up here between the clouds and ethereal mist
we look down on a haven of peace and tranquility
there are no strangers just friends you haven't met yet
there's no need to lock your doors
there's no crime
no road rage
or anger issues
when you touch down things aren't any different
people still walk their dogs down roads of string
the Corncrakes  call can still be heard
Geese can land at ease on checkerboards of green
golden bays wrap their arms around huddles of harled cottages
but the first man to put a boundary around his property,
has got a lot to answer for.

Transparency

when we were kids
we scoffed a whole bag of fun size Mars bars

we thought we'd got away with it
because nobody saw us

our parents couldn't understand
why we didn't fancy any lunch
then they found a pile of sweet wrappers behind the sofa

as adults we all have some secrecy in our lives
sometimes we try to conceal things
hide our true intentions

some people are good at it
others leave their sweet wrappers behind the sofa!

And finally......

My New Book! - The Ingram Diet

Foreword : many books have been written on the subject of Diets and Nutrition, consequently a lot of money has been made in the process. My book is a little bit shorter than the other books, in fact you could almost write it on the back of a postage stamp! Here it is-

without being pedantic avoid- sugar, gluten, saturated fats, processed food, salt and go easy on red meat.

Chicken, eggs, milk, fish, beans, nuts, pulses are a good source of protein.

Eat plenty of greens, try not to boil the nutrients to death, plenty of fruit, rice and potatoes are quality carbs. Porridge is a superfood but Corn Flakes are a waste of space.

Exercise regularly therefore burning off more calories than you take in.

The Ingram Diet is different from the other diets inasmuchas it doesn't last for a month, six months, a year, it lasts forever! It's a way of life.

                                                     End of Book

Feel free to leave a comment.. KTDA, Markles.